these nights never seem to go to plan

tiny boxes

i woke up with ketones and i’m feeling pretty shit-tastic.
right now.
every keyboard button i press takes a little more effort
every stroke requires a deliberate action
nothing comes natural
except to sit, uncomfortably, and stare at the television
while i pretend to pay attention.

this is only moderate,
it has been worse.
it has been worse.

having ketones is like the funk you can’t snap out of
when your friends try and make you laugh, you understand why their jokes are funny, but you just can’t seem to muster up the energy to lol.
even the smile you put on to thank them for trying comes with a sting

i wanted to share this as it is happening because if i wait until tomorrow when the ketones are gone, there will be a tone of ‘i’m fine now and from this i learned x’

i have written that post before. it was more clear, more articulate, more clever.

here is the truth. i know why i have ketones and i am aware that it is completely my fault. i should have planned better. i should have been more pro-active. i should have changed my site before i went to bed because i KNEW i would run out if i didn’t. i knew.

should, could, might next time.

have you ever treated your pump alerts like a snooze button? five hours without insulin. ick. sick. why did i do it?

well, here is a post without an ending, without a resolution. there is no moral to the story, no assurance that this will be a learning experience.

this is a post in real time, on a bad diabetes day. a bad diabetes day filled with half-thoughts and a boat-load of insulin.

oh, by the way… happy halloween.

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3 thoughts on “these nights never seem to go to plan

  1. Sitting here with 5.6 units left in my reservoir and about four hours before I get home to change it. I am guilty as charged.

    BTW, I know it sounds like a cliche, but I think your busted pancreas is the real culprit here.

  2. It’s almost like this disease isn’t fun anymore.

    (I’m sorry for your day. I’ve been there. I’ll be there again. I love you.)

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