like pain, it is
a feeling i forget between occurrences.

it is sweeping,
it takes me over entirely,
and i well up inside.

every so often, i feel a glimpse of what is to come
an acknowledgment of the fact that in my life i will ‘do something’
…something… remarkable.

in waves, it approaches.

and today,
i felt it.

i felt it when i wrote this paragraph….

in may of next year i will be on staff and facilitate discussions at the diabetes unconference, a new conference that focuses on the psychosocial impact of living with diabetes for people with diabetes. as a leader, i want to introduce an action-based component to the group, so that our efforts may translate into something that branches beyond the weekend-long conference.

and then again when i wrote this one….

i plan to study participatory community research to design a patient engagement protocol. i see myself focusing on a program of research that examines the relationship between community involvement and health outcomes for patients in a particular health group. for example, i might investigate whether or not self-identified advocates tend to have higher rates of self-efficacy. i hope to learn how health communities are formed and the nature of their organic growth by understanding the advocates that lead them. i could also see myself focusing on how a community’s collective perception of their disease indicates or predicts their aptitude for creating and sustaining social change.

i am not sure at which institution i will study, but i know that wherever it is, i will be in the right place.

i am meant to do this.
i can feel it.