i’ve got the power

quiet living room
haha. guess what?

i am going to school again, starting february 2nd. WHY? well, because i am a crazy person (as mentioned before) and because i have this do-er energy that just spills out my pockets.

some one rob me of this, please? just take it.

im going to take three courses: general psych, abnormal psych, and psych research methods. two are online and i can do in my own time. i do feel a little better about that. but heck, i’m doing it again. i’m stacking my plate. i wont get sick. i wont get sick. health comes first. health comes first. keep reminding me, okay?

im going back to school because i want to go to this school, this grad school. its in philadelphia. i feel like i found the perfect program. but i also feel a little stubborn about going there.

why? well, let’s just say i wouldn’t have found the program if i weren’t looking for it because i might move there for a boy. i told him, i sure did, that i would go with him if i had a reason to. but the truth is, i want a reason to. i am MAKING a reason to.

so what is this post about? well, shucks it about honesty.

it’s about me saying, i’ve never seen myself as a person who would follow love where ever it traveled. i always knew myself as this strong, rather bold individual, who stands up for herself and plays by her own rules. i guess my self- image has been a little distorted because i now am certain that i can trick myself with ease.

i can trick myself into thinking that the ‘perfect’ program for me just somehow HAPPENED to be in the same city that he may very well be living in this time next year. i can trick myself into seeing any of my my actions as fitting into this intricate self-created mold of boldness and individuality that i can observe from afar and claim ‘that’s me’.

i use my power to feel like the person i want to be.

well, shoot, you know?… i’m fine being the first to say: right on, man, right on.

if i can use my power to create not only my mold of boldness and individuality, but also my vision of myself while performing the actions that prove it so, i can accept this new part of myself.

oh yes. i can be a diehard romantic that refuses to let love go.

and similarly, i CAN just be a person that does diabetes like it ain’t no thang.

i’ve got the power!

One thought on “i’ve got the power

  1. well, you as long as you got the power to be yourself on his side, this sounds like a peferct plan to me. and i know you do, so go ahead, study something great (which is by the way?), explore a new city, which is the double amount of fun when you are in love…from cairo with love

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