i just want to fly

bike flower

habits fade in and out, slowly. like riding your bike everyday, for example.

everyday turns into every other day.
every other day turns into every third day.
every third day turns into once a week.
then once a week fades into, ‘whoa, it’s been a while’.

anyone else have a tendency to treat diabetes like a work out regimen?
jumping from goal to goal
always starting off at full throttle,
the self promise to keep ‘going as hard as possible for as long as i can’
but like with working out, things come up.
friends to see, work to do.
there become more and more reasons why forgetting to check this morning is excusably rational.
watching each attempt slowly fade out into ‘it’s been a while’

thennnn… at some point along the ‘it’s been a while’ mode,
something in life happens that gets you thinking about your next attempt at
working out everyday
testing ten times a day
eating healthy
succeeding at paleo
blogging three times a week

there’s a spark that gets you excited about the possibility of putting your health first.
so begins again your cycle of extreme self care.

i’m writing this post because something happened that kicked my butt back onto gear.

well, two things.

first: on world diabetes day, ginger was leading a #dsma hour on twitter and she asked, “what does diabetes burnout look like?”

this was my response:

burnout

i wrote my answer SO FAST, because it was my reality right then and there. guess what i had for dinner on november 13th! if you guessed fruity pebbles, YES, you win.

i was in the thick of the ‘it’s been a while’ and i didn’t even know it until THAT moment. the DOC was present to witness the catalyst to my realization that i needed to begin a new workout.

second: mike lawson and i are attempting a new diabetes workout regimen side by side. for the first time in my life, with diabetes, there is someone holding me accountable. someone feeling like it’s too hard, too much work. i’m not alone wishing things were ‘more convieniant’.

i am not going full throttle. i’m easing into it. i already feel heaps better than before.
lighter,
happier,
more clear,
more ready for what ever is in store for me.

thank you, mike. not doing this alone is helping make it feel more manageable and incredibly more possible.

move onward, my friend, onward.

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