and i know i’m gonna be okay

Back Camera

there are nine drafts in my wordpress.
nine attempts at constructing something beautiful.
nine decisions to not follow through.
nine moments of overly dismissive self-editing.
nine works deemed inadmissible, unworthy, empty.
nine potential pathways to connection, lost.

okay, because i am so good at math, i know that nine times nine times nine times nine times nine times nine = a sad pity party.

that calculated sad pity party is a huge part of what i have let keep me from publishing those nine drafts hanging around in my wordpress like the small kid waiting to be picked for a basketball team.

and knowing this, aware of my own literary self sabotage, i sit… inactive.
i sit inactive until something external runs at me, ripping the passion right from my pores.
i sit inactive until the inspiration finds me.

this post is the resulting fruit of that process.
the inspiration found me
it was the DiabetesMine Innovation Summit and it was magnificent.

it helped me remember that
change begins to unfold after the uncomfortable tense conversations happen.
that good things come from bad feelings.
progress commences when corinna stands up to say “I don’t give a shit about your excuses” (more on that later).

inspired in my routine pattern, by an external entity that breaks through all the self doubt and insecurities long enough to get me thinking, i realize that those nine drafts don’t equate to a sad pity party if i decide they don’t.

there are nine drafts in my wordpress.
nine beginnings
nine opportunities to reflect on a thought i experienced once before
nine evenings spent with lancet, family and friends instead of the computer
nine reasons to reflect and revisit
nine completely incomplete feelings to explore and contemplate
nine times i got to witness that a failed attempt doesn’t equal failure

it’s wonderful what a lithe perspective can do to lift your spirits and get you to move in a new exciting direction.

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